The Point?

The plot to a horror movie bugs you, sets you in motion to want to watch a movie that will take away the bad unpleasant destructive vibes, or read a mystery book or something. Perhaps you’ll write a story. You don’t know how, though. Perhaps you’ll talk about your day, journal, etc. You really didn’t do anything. You get up too late. You are in a haze. You have plans to organize yourself, prepare for school, get in the right mindset. Mostly you sleep late, much too long, then you try to get vital, then you try to wind down.

Perhaps you’ll blog. You’ll publish this on the internet. Perhaps not. Maybe just get some more white wine.

You play music with some friends today. About two hours. You want to play drums but you play guitar – one of the guys only plays drums. The first song you play is wonderful, alive. Most everything after is stillborn. Kelly walks you out and talks to you briefly about this girl he was attempting to share his feelings with. You are drained. You find that you are never growth-centered with him You are very hungry afterwards. You eat then take a bath. You go on the internet for a few hours, aimless, enveloped. You watch Parenthood at 10. Unfortunately Trish comes out and watches it with you. Garrett is outside with a friend; she waits for him. You dislike watching things with her, she comments too much, sticks your relationship on the screen. You lose touch with your feelings and the narratives feelings. You’re not silent enough in such a situation.

What’s the point of a thing like this? Writing something like this, that is. You have some ideas. You like the idea of caring for yourself in the Foucaultvian way by recalling the day. You also find that there is a stillness and an inspiriting energy culled after from such work. Perhaps with this in mind it may be to the point.

Just The Day

A slow start in the morning. You’ve been getting the impression that if you do not get up before 9:30am you tend to have a hard time doing helpful things. You get out of bed today at around 10:30. You have written down that you will work on the time management project, to be able to start it by documenting Wednesday. When you go out to jog, you walk a ways and wonder about Nietzsche and Heidegger hiking.

After you shower you have to force yourself to do calisthenics. Actually the past two days you have forced yourself for all exercising. You justify it to yourself by the thinking that it’s a necessary thing to do if you want to do vital work. That later on in the day your energy level and focus will diminish much sooner if you don’t.

You debate going out to begin work or staying. You end up leaving around 2:30pm. You go to Café Noir and order green tea. The girl working there is very beautiful in the way that you most like. Graceful, soft, weightless in carriage. You work on reading Hyrum Smith. A question pops up from the reading: In order to do what is vital and important to oneself, does one’s situation need to be extreme? You think of asking the girl this. When you leave you wish to wave to her to establish some kind of relation but she is busy with something and does not see you.

You consider what to do next. You wish to eat so you drive to Nana’s and have a tuna sandwich and turkey soup. You wonder if the tv is kept on and so loud because Nana doesn’t hear it – it doesn’t bother her. You briefly watch ‘You’ve Got Mail’ to avoid the trifling small talk. Later, when you are about to leave, you ask her your question. She doesn’t really understand what you intend. She says that she lives for her family. That when she was young she had opportunities but that she never lived for her self, only for others, that this is one of her limitations. She then seeks to soothe you and says you’ll figure it out when you’re ready.

You drive to the public library and read a bit of the book you checked out yesterday, ‘Afterzen’. You leave after hoping to run into Nick to talk about the question but never end up seeing him.

When you arrive at home its about 6:45pm. You take a bath. You listen to Fratres on repeat. Then you shave. After you are cleaned up, you slip on the rug and twist your body weirdly trying to evaluate if you had shaved well. You kind of hurt and shake internally.

You dress and type up a journal entry from last week. You send Nick an email with it attached and write up your question from earlier to see what he has to say. In the email you try to show him why you’re asking the question. The context is important for emphasis. This ends up being taxing and you cut it short. You end up writing for a few hours.

You go on youtube and check subscriptions. You make tea to warm up and grab some cookies and sweets from the party that mom went to today. You type up a retrospective account of the day after masturbating.