Deadend Feeling

I'm tired in a can't sleep, can't read, can't mindlessly indulge, or submit to the various expectational forces pulling me within their trajectory kind of way. I browse Youtube - first subscriptions, then related videos, then channels, then personal websites and blogs. My stomach growls and I need to empty my bladder. I need to get off the computer and do. I need to grow. I feel the momentum of growth. I feel also the momentum of indulgence. I get up, urinate, eat an apple. I watch TV for a short while. I am frustrated. I sit down on my zofu for a few minutes. After the usual few moments of not having any inclining of how to meditate, I go - oh, non-attachment, that's what this is largely about: during the 'day' there is mechanicalness - a disposition to react in an emotionally illiterate way, misreading ones thoughts/feelings and stumbling around groundless and dull.